Our history, the early years. (Part 1)

I have spent a lot of time thinking about how to give a good overview of my history, Suzanne’s history, and the explanation of the culture that we grew up in. The culture that I will be describing, will be referred to as The Exclusive Brethren. We would say we were going to “Meeting”, when we were talking about it amongst ourselves. Within the group, we were always instructed that we didn’t have a church name. Growing up, whenever someone would ask me what church I went to, it was generally an awkward answer. Quite often it was a response that “we don’t have a name”. There seemed to be a point of pride in the group, that we were “Non-Denominational”. Unfortunately, as I would later come to realize, that through the actions and beliefs of the group, we were more “Denominational” than a lot of the churches we were trying to not be like.

I can say “we” as I talk about history, because I was born and raised in the church group. My dad’s family had been a part of the church group, as his parents had become a part of it at some point. My mom was introduced to the group when she met my dad, and they married after she came into the group. Suzanne’s family came into the church group when she was very little. It was also all she knew her whole life.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the culture of The Exclusive Brethren, I will give a brief overview from my viewpoint, having lived in it for the first 42 years of my life. If you were to research the name, it can be very confusing. There are many groups that have come from the Brethren, and there has been many divisions over the last couple hundred years. There are specific names associated with each of the divisions, but I won’t go that far into the background of which division for this description. Another thing I will try to do, is use the terms that are used in the group, with another commonly known term to help explain.

What an individual church group commonly looks like is this. There could be an average group of between 60-80 people that meet in a location. Some groups have more, and some have less. It will normally be a plain building that maybe has a Bible verse or two on the front but normally does not have a church name. If you were to walk in, everyone would be sitting in more of a circle, and you would notice that all of the women wear some type of head covering. There is not a pastor, but the men are expected to take part in the teaching and praying. No musical instruments would be used, and everyone would be singing out of the same hymn book. The only Bible version that is recognized in the group is The King James Version. Every Sunday there is a main service after the Sunday School service, which is the Communion, or also called “The Breaking of Bread”. If you were to walk in as a visitor, you might be met with an awkward greeting, and an explanation of how you would not be allowed to take part in the Communion. And if you are a woman, there is a good chance you will be handed a head covering to wear during the service, whether you are a member or not.

Growing up, there were steps that you would have to take to become part of the group. The Gospel would be preached every Sunday night, but it was very rare to have any outside visitors there. We were very aware of our sins from a young age, and our need of a Savior. Many of us would come to faith in Jesus Christ at a young age. The next stage after coming to faith in Jesus Christ, would be to have a public baptism. They would have a public baptism occasionally, and it would be a large get-together. After being baptized, the next step would be to “ask for our place at the Lord’s table”. (Or ask to take part in Communion). This was the process of where we would tell one of the Brothers, that we want to remember the Lord in his death. This would start a very lengthy public process. There would usually be a public announcement that someone had asked for their place at the Lord’s table. Then there would be a meeting scheduled for 2 or 3 brothers to meet with that individual. This could take weeks or months before that meeting would actually happen. The 2 or 3 Brothers would normally meet in the individual’s home, and then there would be the questions. Depending on how young a person is, the questions could be fairly easy, or they could be more intense. Looking back, I realize it is really just an initiation process. In order to take part in Communion, you had to jump through the hoops. I started to wonder as I got older about the whole process. If someone had to answer everything right and not be living in sin to be at the Lord’s table, then why shouldn’t those questions be asked of everyone, every Sunday? The Lord’s table became a membership status in the group, even though it was said that there was no memberships in the group. What I didn’t realize back then, was that in order to be a member, you have to pass the inspection of those in charge in the group. That membership could also be taken away depending on if someone confessed a sin, or if some of the group’s leaders had a vendetta against someone in the group. There were varying levels of discipline in the Meeting. For a man, the first level might just be silencing. (Since only the men can speak or pray.) That man who was silenced would not be able to take a public part in the meetings, but may generally have freedom to socialize in the group. The second level of discipline would be taking away the Communion or Breaking of Bread, from that individual. This level would typically involve a level of shunning. That person who was “disciplined and removed from the Lord’s table” would probably be asked to come into each Meeting 5 minutes late, and leave 5 minutes early. This person would probably not be allowed to socialize with anyone in the group anymore, unless it was for “purposes of restoration”. The third level of discipline, would be the ex-communication. This is where the person would be told to leave the group and never come back. Then there would be a concerted effort to tell anyone and everyone that so-and-so was ex-communicated and not to have any contact with that individual. All through the years, I would hear of silencings, disciplines, and ex-communications of individuals. There would seem to always be a story that would not go into much detail, but generally paint a bad picture of the individual who was disciplined. Another thing that was very common with a lot of the disciplines, when the discipline happened as a result of a vendetta, that person who was disciplined was rarely restored back into the group. A lot of times, the general population would not get to hear the other side of the story, as everyone was expected to “submit” or “bow” to the discipline of the Meeting where it happened.

Each church location, or Meeting, is part of a larger informal “Denomination”. Each group operates autonomously, but all are connected together. There are small Meetings all over the place, and they will get together for a big Bible conference several times a year, typically over a long weekend. This is how so many smaller groups can know such a larger group of people. I used to say growing up, that “if I traveled across the United States, I would always have a place I could stay”. This was more or less because of knowing so many people through all the small groups. There also tends to be a lot of family history and connections in the group. The more a family stays in the group and marries into the group, the larger that family becomes. It is not very often that a family or individual will come into the Meeting from the outside. It is very difficult for most people to walk the walk, and talk the talk, of the group without growing up in it.

Suzanne and I both grew up in the same Meeting. Even though we lived at opposite ends of the county, both of our families would travel the long distance to the only Meeting around during our growing up years. We would travel over a half hour each way, all those times each week. Because so much of our time was spent at Meeting, and socializing with the Meeting group, we started getting interested in each other fairly young. Around the time we were graduating from High School, there was a movement to start a local Meeting in the Vancouver area. This caused quite a bit of trouble in the group back then. There were those who were pushing for a new Meeting in Vancouver, and those who were wanting to keep going to Gresham where all our friends and relatives were. I remember my dad made the decision to continue going to Gresham, and that is where our family went for the next 10 years or so, even though the Vancouver Meeting was started in the early 90’s. I remember Suzanne’s father decided to continue going to Gresham early on in the process also. This made my decision to go to Gresham much easier, as Suzanne was going there.

My dad passed away from cancer in February of 1992. I remember when he had what the doctor’s thought was pneumonia, the winter after I graduated from High School. It was not much later, that he was diagnosed with lung cancer. We know he had been working with Asbestos at the paper mill, which may have contributed to his cancer, as he had never smoked. Watching what he went through with the chemo and radiation treatments, did have an affect on me. I told myself that I would never put myself through what pain and suffering he endured going through those treatments. One of the things that really stood out at that time, was that being a part of such a tight church group, my mom and younger sisters were really taken care of by the group, both financially and with many other practical blessings.

Suzanne and I were married in 1994. We had spent some time apart previously, and that was good for me to know for certain that I wanted to share my life with her.